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Sunday

The dawns early light came this morning and behind my eyes I felt promise. I carry that until I begin to move and then the reality of pain and stiffness comes to remind me. I am tethered to this body. I will rise slowly and climb into the deep hot water that is my sanctuary and ease the pain. In the cleansing jets of joy I will have my time with GOD as a sparrow flies to the very top of a tiny fragile branch and sways there. The morning dishes are settled into soapy water, the garden is being watered by my man who is singing delightfully off key. I will find my grace in a moment. It is my way, to look with eyes that burn to see light. There is much to be thankful for if I can rise above the screaming of my self absorbed tissue. Yesterday I threw caution to the wind and rode my beautiful bicycle with the little dog in my basket. I tried to find the muscles of my youth and found myself pitifully lacking in strength. The lungs strained, the thighs burn. I am reminded again and again that time has taken it’s toll. Yet I still wish to fly. I am thankful for the sounds of my little dog snoring and the light in my window and the taste of the first blueberry of the season on my tongue. It’s Sunday, I live in the country, I have a man who loves me, a dog who adores me, a jacuzzi that soothes me and a GOD who can be distant but gently tethers me to his heart. Sunday morning church is the knowing of this today. That God can not be anything but what he is and I am a fragile human trying to have a spiritual experience with the GOD of my understanding. Palm Sunday, they lay the palm leaves down and he rode a donkey into the city. Sounds like my kind of guy. No stallion for the Lord of Lords, Humble and without need to impress. A donkey. Something to ponder this day of all days. Blessings

 

DSC_1503

There is a saying in the vaults of Hollywood when Betty Davis said “Getting old ain’t for sissy’s”  I couldn’t agree more. You see from the outside I look, shall we say like a “Ma’me” I can’t spell it let alone say it without curling my toes. Once upon a time I was known as a “Babe” and now I am a “Ma’me” (Understand my dilema?) I fought the inevitable with photo shop and exercise and make-up and shades. (Yes shades really do make you look younger and mysterious) Mysterious is good when you are younger but interesting is what happens to you as you age. So I am an interesting Ma’me. Hmmmm….It’s interesting that tomorrow I will be featured in an on-line blogg entitled something about beauty lines??? (I will let you know later) but the sweet woman who found me interesting also decided to run the photo of me showing my wrinkles. (She was kind enough to call them lines) Oh and did I mention she wanted to let the readers know my age? (Which by the way shall remain a mystery until tomorrow which goes to show you that I can still be mysterious) I am writing all of this to share the bewilderment of feeling like your still a young babe when actually your…well NOT. For those of you who cannot understand this blog I just wish to say “You will grasshopper, you will.”

Wind in my sails

It’s trembling, the desire to sail. As the wind rushes down the front range with plumes of fire and smoke I envision in my minds eye the waters of the Pacific. In this dream of desire I am upon a sail boat, and I am racing across clear water of quiet glass. I feel the breeze upon my face and taste the salty air. There is a sense of freedom that is alluding me in my life now. Try as I might I cannot make my body fly. This body that has survived so much. So I let the mind of my hearts desire fly free and I will sail. I will sail past the pain of losing my career, the pain of watching a beloved brother as he lays dying, a mother who is disappearing into the land of bewilderment and a Father who cares for all and grows old and weary. I will sail past a marriage that has settled for less than either of us desire, for dreams that never get to fly. For fears that haunt me in my sleep, for lonliness of days as I go about doing the work of the farm and my life on “life’s terms”. Sailing the world of freedom and light comes from within, finding the peace that can only come from God and the hope in a future that is better than a present. Embracing every day for what is brings, whether sailing or docked on dry land I chose to see the grace of glory in life. The birds can be my sail today as they soar across the meadows and fields. I can ride them with my heart and find peace.

Green Acres

Life in the country while being a woman of many words can be challenging.  Think “Green Acres.”( For you “young’uns” that was a tv show about a New York socialite and her husband who wanted to move away and live in the country)  In the beginning of marrying my cowboy I was often seen in my faux fur and high heels calling out “help, help.” That was over 15 years ago and today we have compromised on so many levels that I look like a cross between a tom boy in t-shirts and dirty jeans and tennis shoes and my ex cowboy now wears flip flops and white button downs by Ralph Lauren. We sold our beloved horses and have settled into chickens, (for eggs and amusement) and a soft cashmere bunny named Bart. There is a small “foo foo” dog named Layla who is my BFF! (Dear God please don’t ever let her go to that Doggy heaven in the sky place! Never mind that she is 13 years old) I am still a bit lost and confused by the neighborhood of country folk, who really seem to want to be left alone. Never have quite fit the model of a country chick (No pun intended) I am more like a hybrid. A little bit country and a LOT of city, living her life where the wind howls and the coyotes howl and the grass grows higher than the belly of a horse.

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